To the person with a scarred heart…

I hope you find someone who…

will love the seas the way you love it…

will not dump you when you sing for that person…

will look at you the way you look at that person…

will patiently wait for you no matter what happens…

will appreciate your past, present, and future self without judgment…

will accept your flaws and will not even try to change you…

will love you when you are around…

and will love you even more when you are away.

 

 

Free Fall

I’m 24 and I’m literally a walking “no-boyfriend-since-birth” lady. Having a lover or being on a date is not my thing. Let me clear things out. I’m straight. Yup. Straight girl who’s not into relationships. I believe in love, though. I believe that true love exists. It warms my heart every time I see old couples walking hand in hand across the road and I shed tears of joy in weddings whenever I witness one. I guess I’m a crybaby because I cry over movies and TV series too. I cry whether it has a tragic or a happy ending. Sometimes, I find myself smiling; feeling the butterflies in my tummy whenever I think of a lovey-dovey book I just finished or remembered out of the blue. More often that not, I imagine myself in that situation and it makes me feel thrilled about  my own love-hate story. It actually takes me several weeks to get over with such emotions.

I never resented the idea of love. To be honest, I’m in love with the idea of love and everything that goes with it. Love is what makes humanity humane. It causes people to do and want things. It pushes you to your limits and helps you discover things about yourself. It stops you from being and living normal. It’s insane but that’s what love is all about. Love is a series of highs and lows, of truths and lies, of tears and joys, of storms and rainbows, and of strengths and weaknesses. Love is a free fall to this sensational and phenomenal black hole and I think one needs all the guts and nerves to survive this black hole.

So here I am; the girl who never had the audacity to do the free fall. Am I lonely? No. Am I miserable? Not even close. Will I ever be ready to do the free fall? Definitely yes. For the time being, I will continue enjoying being free and independent.

rkj

Well, you should. I am the living proof of a happy independent woman.

REMINISCING 2016

To me, year 2016 is a blend of life’s blacks and whites. It is a symmetry of warm and cold elements, of positive and negative senses, of high and low waters, of doubts and hopes, of failures and triumphs, and, of sorrows and joys. It is consistently unpredictable, irrationally logical, and undeniably unforgettable.

In the first quarter of the year, my heart got wrecked in pieces. I thought it’s what people call “heartbroken” but I realized it’s not. It never was because it wasn’t even love. Funny, but I am grateful it actually happened because now I know the difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation hurts for a while but love hurts for who knows how long. Infatuation is idealistic and love is realistic. Infatuation is what you see, hear, and feel but love is beyond everything. Infatuation is modest and love is profound. And I think I will never be ready for love. Yeah. To be honest, it scares me to death.

Thereafter, I was miserable for months because I was diagnosed with an incurable bone condition. My dreams shattered right in front of me. I began to fear what lies ahead because I have to live with it for the rest of my life. I started to doubt myself and the people around me. Life threw me off a cliff. I was about to give up holding on to that tiny little hope but a hand saved me. God saved me. Life is for living, He said and I listened. It was then that I realized that I have to live life more. My illness was certainly a blessing in disguise. I started to make things happen. I spent time more with my family and friends more than I did before. I began to challenge myself with impossible things and as of this moment, I nailed some of it. There’s more on the list and I have years to live, so yeah, way to go!  The thing is, it’s a bit brutal that I have to get sick first before I learn these things. That life is for living and not for other things like whines, doubts, and regrets.

Life is, indeed, a cycle. After the bad news regarding my health, I received the best news ever. It’s actually the highlight of 2016. I passed UPD and yes, finally, for my masters!!!! Next year, I will be a working student and I am proud of it. Teacher in the morning, student at night. Splendid. It’s going to be a hectic year and I will hold on. Yes. This experience taught me that there’s no harm in giving and believing in second chances. In the past, I was a firm believer of “first and last shot” and I never believed in second, third, fourth or whatever chances. But now I do. I’m now willing to give myself and the people around me a second chance for everything. There is no room for giving up but only for working hard. For this, I feel indebted for my co-teacher. She’s the one who pushed me to my limits. If weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have done it. She taught me to always believe in myself and never give up on my dreams. Today, I am proud because I consider myself as the “dream catcher.” Yes, I’m a living dream catcher.

I was in cloud nine for weeks but what is success without no one to share it with?  My family was supportive of me and I’m thankful for that. It’s just that, I consider my best friend as family too. But she’s nowhere in sight. I feel incomplete without this person. Not everyone we meet stays in our lives. Some are just passing by to say hi, the others are just lost in their own crisscrossed paths who happened to pass ours, and only a handful stay glued on the same ground we’re in. My best friend is forever glued in my life. She’s my backbone, my escape, my redemption, my pillow, my happy pill, just literally, my everything. Today, I am hesitant as to where I stand in her life or should I say if she even want me. It saddens me to have these thoughts but I just can’t help it. I know can always meet new ones and make new memories but to me, it will never be the same. We can have as much friends as we want but we only have one best friend and she is perfectly irreplaceable. I just hope she knows it. Well, I guess I just have to wait and do my best like I always do. I know forgiveness is hard to give but now, I’m pretty sure that earning it is a lot harder. But nah. I won’t give up, ever. ‘Til then, stories and secrets I have yet to tell her will be kept in the deepest den of my heart.

Some say that people learn the hard way. Not in my case, though. 2016 made me learn things in the most vicious way. I was caught off guard I almost forgot how to breathe. It was terrifying and upsetting yet I was able to pull myself together just because I didn’t have choice. Up to this very last day, I have no choice but to accept the bittersweet things this year has taught me. It’s kind of weird but I love every bit of it, though.

tumblr_nhdbiq7d311t6yj1uo1_500

Christmas Outreach 2016

Christmas is fast approaching and the spirit of sharing is in the air!

Our organization will have its Christmas Outreach 2016 to help kids like them!

Because nothing compares to the feeling you get when you know you’re living your life to the fullest by exhausting yourself helping the less fortunate people and helping them have a joyful Christmas.

 

How to help? Please click the link below!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfDycTNoWAnGi3HEB5F2t1IUm1mnAOujK9lfPximaQ_cKaclQ/viewform

Eureka

11 hikers, 2 mountains, 8 wonder falls…

While everybody was asleep, trekkers marched their way on top of God’s creation.

14463099_1099124236791282_8387123114473962769_n

We started hiking at exactly 3:23AM. The moon was nowhere to be found; nevertheless, the glimmering stars and our flashlights served us well. The trail was rock-strewn and mud-covered. There were steep tracks we almost lost our breaths; hence, we had to stop to rest and pull ourselves together. It was a hazardous trudge but giving up didn’t even cross our minds.

It was a scene to behold. The sunrise at the peak was; indeed, breathtaking. We were speechless. Everyone was happy as a clam. Our efforts have been paid excessively. We were over the moon gazing at the sea of clouds before our naked eyes.

14485030_1099139433456429_900038162103198778_n14520508_1099139536789752_2831712386221878139_n14446180_1099123226791383_4871299963813896238_n

Meanwhile, the 8 wonder falls we went to were marvelous as well. We soaked our tired feet and sipped fresh water straight from the mountains. The sounds the waterfalls brought were music to our ears. We found bliss and solace just by listening to it.

People often say that the things you get to do, feel, and experience when you go hiking will make you realize countless things about life. In my opinion, when you go hiking, you become a changed person. My perspectives in friendship, love, and life have changed vibrantly. We exist because of Him and we love because He first loved us. As time flies by, everything in this world fades but not His love for us. Life always throws us curve balls and sometimes everything is too much to handle but we have to remember that these curve balls will make us stronger than we are yesterday. They will shape and refine us to be the diamonds we are meant to be. God knows that the process is tough and painful so He had given us precious people who will stay with us come high or low. Also, God is always by our side. He never leaves us. We just have to keep our faith in Him. If I were to sum it up, I realized that everything about friendship, family, love, and life itself is about Him; by Him, for Him, and through Him. This journey called Life is God’s greatest gift to us. Treasure it. Cherish it. Live it well. Don’t let your kryptonite stop your from seeking the “great perhaps.” Explore and have courage to take risks. Because beyond all the bridges we are afraid of crossing and the walls we are scared of breaking awaits the Eureka of a lifetime.

14440917_1099139586789747_4607363716128661056_n

On Knowing When to Stop

Heart-Mind

When your feet know not where to go,

When your heart hums “Yes” then “No,”

When your thoughts disquiet your soul.

When words fail to save you,

When time flees and leaves no clue,

When your heart betrays your mind,

When your mind questions your heart.

When people leave devoid of trace,

When Spring ends, Fall finds its place.

When circumstances make you dense,

When everything doesn’t make sense.

When you can’t unravel the truth in a lie,

When you can’t look someone in the eye,

When nothing’s left but a mere sigh,

Perhaps it’s time you stop giving a try.

heart.mind