A Fangirl’s Agony

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One tear. Two tears. Three Tears. Four..Five..Six..Seven..Eight..NO. IT JUST WON’T STOP. 😦

What is the most painful thing for a fangirl like me?

It’s when my bias is here in our country; to perform his heart Β out on stage, to express his love to his fans, and yet here I am, at home and will never have a chance to see him in person.

I never have a jealous heart but now, I DON”T KNOW ANY MORE. 😦

I envy those ELFs who will be able to witness Heechul’s comeback.

I envy those ELFs who will be able to behold the famous chocolate abs of Captain Siwon.

I envy those ELFs who will get to see and drool over EunHae’s sexy performances.

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I envy those ELFs who will be able to hear Henry singing his Trap album in English version and see his cuteness.

I envy those ELFs who will personally note Sungmin’s ever-famous Aegyo.

I envy those ELFs who will be mesmerized by Kyuhyun’s and Ryewook’s voice.

I envy those ELFs who will be able to admire Zhoumi’s awesomeness.

I envy those ELFs who will be able to remark on Kangin’s masculinity.

I envy those ELFs who will get to discern Shindong’s cheerfulness on stage.

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I envy those ELFs who will be able to witness Super Junior’s prowess in dancing and singing.

I envy those ELFs who will get to see the most handsome supermen performing live.

I envy those ELFs who will be able to get close to them and sing with them.

I envy those ELFs who will be able to scream their hearts out, and thank Super Junior personally for their love to all the PHELFs.

II envy those ELFs who will be able to Β get married to Super Junior in the much awaited Blue Wedding fan project.

And lastly,

IΒ envy those ELFs who will be a part of this SUPER SHOW 5 WORLD TOUR.

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Now I’m weeping like a brokenhearted lady, mourning like I’ve lost a very special person, crying out loud like there’s no tomorrow.

I’M JUST SO FRUSTRATED AND DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF.

I HOPE SOMEDAY I WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE THEM IN PERSON AS WELL.

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Confessions of a Fangirl

Silent Nights. Plain Midnights. Boring Days.

That was my life two years ago…before KPOP changed my inner soul…before I became a fangirl.

I once read a KPOP Fun Fact which says something like this:

To every fangirl and fanboy…
ELF is not just a small person with supernatural powers,
Big Bang is not just a theory in Science,
Cassiopeia is not just a constellation,
4 Minute is not just a time,
A Pink is not just pertaining to a color…

And let me add one, it just crossed my mind while reading this fun fact, πŸ™‚

F(x) is not just a mathematical expression or to some, a mode of transportation.

KPOP introduced me to another kind of world. A world I never thought existed. A world so unfathomable that even the non-repeating, non-terminating numbers in Math or even the registered words in a dictionary could give a just and exact description about it. Only those who live inside it will be able to feel the infinite blissfulness this world gives. A world I am proud to say I am part of. That’s the first thing KPOP did to me; it brought me to a place I never thought I have always wanted. The world of a Fangirl.

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Second, I met Super Junior. When I met those 15 handsome, sexy, humble men, my life changed drastically but magically. They changed me physically, mentally and emotionally. They are the one who bring out my fangirling skills. πŸ˜€

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There’s NO OTHER but Super Junior in my heart. πŸ™‚

Physically:

I thought I could never last a day without taking something to fill my stomach or going to a mall and stand for almost 10 hours just to wait for a 30-minute fan and greet moments with my bias. But I did. I made it. Others may think that I’m a crazy person, yes, I admit I am. And I am proud that I’m a crazy fangirl. It takes a lot of effort to be called one. Those people just don’t understand that the 10 hours of hunger, cramping feet, and back pains are nothing compared to a 30-minute of fangirling moments: fan chants, sweet screams, loud heartbeats, all these with our Ultimate Idols in front or our naked eyes…delivering their sugar messages to all their fans, smiling to us, giving flying kisses… it’s just so INCOMPARABLE.

Mentally:

Super Junior made me a little bit wiser. How? In three ways. πŸ˜€

1. My sense of direction improved. Stalking helped me to be familiar to places I seldom go to; like in airport, in hotels and malls.
2. I learned to save money in the best possible way. I call it the “ELF Way”; though sometimes the money I saved is still not enough to sustain my fangirling needs. Oftentimes, it’s just enough for buying cheap merchs, buying birthday cakes for my bias and of course, just enough for my stalking purposes. πŸ˜€ You know, being a student fangirl is dramatically really hard.
3. My cognitive and logic skills improved as well. I learned to analyze gossips/stories about my bias first before I give my comments or reactions.(teehee) Now I have this principle: “Keep Calm and Analyze the Situation”. πŸ™‚

Emotionally:

Happiness.Jealousy.Sadness.Fear.Nervousness.Anxiety.

SJ made me feel all these emotions all at once. The so-called “tears of joy”? They were the first who made me shed a “tear of joy”. People outside my fangirling world will never understand the feeling of a fangirl/fanboy when he/she starts to open an album. The beads of sweat, the racing heartbeats, the wet hands; just upon receiving an album or a merch, every fangirl and fanboy feels it. I never had an album which I bought using my own money. The albums I have and some of my merchs were given to me by a precious friend of mine. When I received those albums and merchs, I realized that even a single piece of a thing could give me an infinite happiness.

Fangirling also honed my social skills. I gained a lot of KPOP friends. It’s always nice to meet people you share something in common. ELFriends and other fangirls and fanboys whom I always share my thoughts with; people who are willing to spazz with me until the crack of dawn.

And the last but definitely not the least, ..

Fangirling taught me to DREAM AND BELIEVE IN MY DREAMS.

Looking into my bias’ pictures, reading their tweets and blogs, taking pictures with their posters, getting free flyers of KPOP, watching them in TV advertisements and events… all of these are enough to make me sing the lyrics of a song..

“These are the moments, I thank God that I’m alive;
These are the moments, I’ll remember all my life..”

Well, my happiness is just beneath the surface.

But Super Junior taught me something,

That they are not an unreachable star and that I am just not trying to reach out my hands to them..But now I do. I do.

I realized that we look up in the same sky, we step on the same planet and we live in the same lifetime..that there’s more than meets the eye..that it is possible for us to meet and greet each other..That’s what I always think and what I always believed in…

and now, THIS IS IT. The moment I’ve been waiting for. The moment that will take my breath away.

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SS5 Manila!! Count me in, please? πŸ™‚

Being able to attend SS5 Manila and see Super Junior performing in front of my big black eyes is truly A DREAM COME TRUE. πŸ™‚

A dream which I always imagine. A dream so near yet so far. A dream I really want to happen in my life.

Now, I’m looking forward to singing the next lyrics of the same song..

“I’ve got all I’ve waited for,
And I could not ask for more.”

Because this part says it all. All about my desires and hopes as a fangirl.

Silent Nights? Not at all. I have so many friends to spazz with every night.

Plain Midnights? Not anymore. Waiting for my bias’ birthday and helping my fandom to trend that special day is so much fun. πŸ™‚

Boring Days? I don’t think so. For there are a lot of “kpop thingys” to be done and to wait for.

I’m a Fangirl 24/7
Dance to the Groove of KPOP

<<<Signing Off>>>
Self-Proclaimed Insane Fangirl