I hope you find someone who…
will love the seas the way you love it…
will not dump you when you sing for that person…
will look at you the way you look at that person…
will patiently wait for you no matter what happens…
will appreciate your past, present, and future self without judgment…
will accept your flaws and will not even try to change you…
will love you when you are around…
and will love you even more when you are away.
I’m 24 and I’m literally a walking “no-boyfriend-since-birth” lady. Having a lover or being on a date is not my thing. Let me clear things out. I’m straight. Yup. Straight girl who’s not into relationships. I believe in love, though. I believe that true love exists. It warms my heart every time I see old couples walking hand in hand across the road and I shed tears of joy in weddings whenever I witness one. I guess I’m a crybaby because I cry over movies and TV series too. I cry whether it has a tragic or a happy ending. Sometimes, I find myself smiling; feeling the butterflies in my tummy whenever I think of a lovey-dovey book I just finished or remembered out of the blue. More often that not, I imagine myself in that situation and it makes me feel thrilled about my own love-hate story. It actually takes me several weeks to get over with such emotions.
I never resented the idea of love. To be honest, I’m in love with the idea of love and everything that goes with it. Love is what makes humanity humane. It causes people to do and want things. It pushes you to your limits and helps you discover things about yourself. It stops you from being and living normal. It’s insane but that’s what love is all about. Love is a series of highs and lows, of truths and lies, of tears and joys, of storms and rainbows, and of strengths and weaknesses. Love is a free fall to this sensational and phenomenal black hole and I think one needs all the guts and nerves to survive this black hole.
So here I am; the girl who never had the audacity to do the free fall. Am I lonely? No. Am I miserable? Not even close. Will I ever be ready to do the free fall? Definitely yes. For the time being, I will continue enjoying being free and independent.
Well, you should. I am the living proof of a happy independent woman.
When your feet know not where to go,
When your heart hums “Yes” then “No,”
When your thoughts disquiet your soul.
When words fail to save you,
When time flees and leaves no clue,
When your heart betrays your mind,
When your mind questions your heart.
When people leave devoid of trace,
When Spring ends, Fall finds its place.
When circumstances make you dense,
When everything doesn’t make sense.
When you can’t unravel the truth in a lie,
When you can’t look someone in the eye,
When nothing’s left but a mere sigh,
Perhaps it’s time you stop giving a try.