To the person with a scarred heart…

I hope you find someone who…

will love the seas the way you love it…

will not dump you when you sing for that person…

will look at you the way you look at that person…

will patiently wait for you no matter what happens…

will appreciate your past, present, and future self without judgment…

will accept your flaws and will not even try to change you…

will love you when you are around…

and will love you even more when you are away.

 

 

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Free Fall

I’m 24 and I’m literally a walking “no-boyfriend-since-birth” lady. Having a lover or being on a date is not my thing. Let me clear things out. I’m straight. Yup. Straight girl who’s not into relationships. I believe in love, though. I believe that true love exists. It warms my heart every time I see old couples walking hand in hand across the road and I shed tears of joy in weddings whenever I witness one. I guess I’m a crybaby because I cry over movies and TV series too. I cry whether it has a tragic or a happy ending. Sometimes, I find myself smiling; feeling the butterflies in my tummy whenever I think of a lovey-dovey book I just finished or remembered out of the blue. More often that not, I imagine myself in that situation and it makes me feel thrilled about  my own love-hate story. It actually takes me several weeks to get over with such emotions.

I never resented the idea of love. To be honest, I’m in love with the idea of love and everything that goes with it. Love is what makes humanity humane. It causes people to do and want things. It pushes you to your limits and helps you discover things about yourself. It stops you from being and living normal. It’s insane but that’s what love is all about. Love is a series of highs and lows, of truths and lies, of tears and joys, of storms and rainbows, and of strengths and weaknesses. Love is a free fall to this sensational and phenomenal black hole and I think one needs all the guts and nerves to survive this black hole.

So here I am; the girl who never had the audacity to do the free fall. Am I lonely? No. Am I miserable? Not even close. Will I ever be ready to do the free fall? Definitely yes. For the time being, I will continue enjoying being free and independent.

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Well, you should. I am the living proof of a happy independent woman.

Eureka

11 hikers, 2 mountains, 8 wonder falls…

While everybody was asleep, trekkers marched their way on top of God’s creation.

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We started hiking at exactly 3:23AM. The moon was nowhere to be found; nevertheless, the glimmering stars and our flashlights served us well. The trail was rock-strewn and mud-covered. There were steep tracks we almost lost our breaths; hence, we had to stop to rest and pull ourselves together. It was a hazardous trudge but giving up didn’t even cross our minds.

It was a scene to behold. The sunrise at the peak was; indeed, breathtaking. We were speechless. Everyone was happy as a clam. Our efforts have been paid excessively. We were over the moon gazing at the sea of clouds before our naked eyes.

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Meanwhile, the 8 wonder falls we went to were marvelous as well. We soaked our tired feet and sipped fresh water straight from the mountains. The sounds the waterfalls brought were music to our ears. We found bliss and solace just by listening to it.

People often say that the things you get to do, feel, and experience when you go hiking will make you realize countless things about life. In my opinion, when you go hiking, you become a changed person. My perspectives in friendship, love, and life have changed vibrantly. We exist because of Him and we love because He first loved us. As time flies by, everything in this world fades but not His love for us. Life always throws us curve balls and sometimes everything is too much to handle but we have to remember that these curve balls will make us stronger than we are yesterday. They will shape and refine us to be the diamonds we are meant to be. God knows that the process is tough and painful so He had given us precious people who will stay with us come high or low. Also, God is always by our side. He never leaves us. We just have to keep our faith in Him. If I were to sum it up, I realized that everything about friendship, family, love, and life itself is about Him; by Him, for Him, and through Him. This journey called Life is God’s greatest gift to us. Treasure it. Cherish it. Live it well. Don’t let your kryptonite stop your from seeking the “great perhaps.” Explore and have courage to take risks. Because beyond all the bridges we are afraid of crossing and the walls we are scared of breaking awaits the Eureka of a lifetime.

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Serenity

Sometimes, you cross bridges you never planned of crossing; you dream the unthinkable, you do the impossible, you hold on though it’s unreachable and you love despite of its unrequitedness. You know it is a roller coaster kind of ride but you never fastened your seatbelt. When you’re about to fall in a cliff, you never stepped on the break. When you can’t find your breath, you never asked for someone’s help. Everyone is leaving you behind but instead of stopping them, you pushed them away. You ask rhetorical questions when there are answers around you.

You have reasons.

You’re doing it not because you’re an introvert, a loner, or you’re kind of depressed but because you find peace when you are alone. You feel alive when you are in pain. You find silence in chaos. And you see the beauty of every scars.

You call it Serenity. Your kind of Serenity.

The Vulnerable

He said the pain is as vivid as it was then,..

The girl asked, “Why do you have to evoke such memories?”

He answered, “You don’t understand..”

“Then, tell me.” She demanded.

“You can’t escape pain. The more you ignore it, the more it twinges. The more you rebuff it, the more it clings unto you. The minute it grasps you, you start being nostalgic. And nostalgia hurts. Why? Because you reminisce all the nastiest and jauntiest memories; even the ones you wished never ever happened. Then you recall the breakups and heartaches of putting an end to something you thought would last eternity .” He said.

“Why do you have to end it? When it’s all but great, why do you need to cut the ties?” She asked.

“Because some things are bound to end. Whether you like it or not, things change, it breaks then it ends. Things end dramatically, you know. You build it for what seemed like forever then it ends as swift as a flash of lightning at night. I may yearn for more, but love is for two; two minds, two hearts, and two hands to go a long way. When the other hand lets go, you run for it. Then while going after it you realize one excruciating truth: that you can’t chase someone who intends to run away from you. That you can’t hold someone’s right hand for a long time if that person’s left hand is clinging to someone’s right hand. It sucks, you know, to love faithfully and be rejected unreasonably. Life is not unfair, love is.” Tears running down his cheeks while saying these words to her.

They remained quiet for a couple of minutes…

The man, wiping away his tears with his bare hands.

The girl, her deep blue eyes staring blankly to someplace outside the window only she knows.

Then she said, “Love is fair, the lovers are not. Some things end, yes. But do you know that a thing is only over if you choose to end it completely? It’s a decision, you know. If happiness is a choice then pain is a decision. Allowing something or someone to hurt you is a decision. And I can see that you know it but you are ignoring it because you like the feeling of reliving old memories in your head. You said that pain is inevitable but all this time I know that you are moving towards it instead of moving away from it. You said nostalgia hurts but you still continue to reminisce. You said that love is for two people but you still cling into it even if you know that you are now alone in the peak of the mountain. Why?…Why?”

“You know so much, don’t you?” He joked.

“Oh. I read a lot of books. So, why?” She answered.

“Because where there is pain, there is love. Because pain helps me to remember that I was once loved and cherished and treasured. And most importantly,because pain reminds me that I am still alive. Vulnerable, yes, but can be fixed and be loved in return someday, somewhere, by someone.” He grinned.

She smiled and uttered the words,.. “I want to be that ‘someone‘..”

“You will be that “someone” ..perhaps, in the next lifetime?” He said.

“Yeah. Next lifetime. When you are more sober and less vulnerable..” She answered.

“And you, a little bit older, young child.” He added.

They laughed and giggled. The train stopped.. At 5:34 AM, the sun rose. They saw it and they both knew that it’s time to part ways.

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Love in a Box

They talked like they knew each other in ages.

They parted like they never got a glimpse of each others sorrows.

She liked how he expresses his thoughts: bold and wild.

He fancied her little weird gestures: creeping into his bloodstream.

She longed for him.

He lust after her.

But they can never be together.

Like how the sea can never kiss the deep blue sky,

Like how the sun can never pour raindrops and cry,

Like how the world can never stop spinning,

Like how time can never stop fleeting,

They can never be together. Not in their wildest dreams. Not in this lifetime. Never. Ever.

Because what they had was love in a half-opened box.unnamed (3)

He is…

He’s a living genius,

I’m a walking disaster.

He’s the brightest star in a nightshade of grey,

I’m the ray of sunshine in a windowpane.

He’s the bulky tree in the forest,

I’m the moss in a nourished foliage.

He’s the lamp post in a crowded place,

I’m the cricket in an unnoticed space.

He’s an artist in a real stage,

I’m a crippled model in a rampage.

He’s the frequently asked book,

I’m that pocketbook seldom borrowed.

He’s the waves kissing the shore,

I’m the shore asking for more.

He’s a dauntless poet,

I’m a factionless poetess.

He is,

He is,

He is,

My Ed Sheeran…

In my own little Disneyland.

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